Heart Skipped A Beat
by kneekole
Summary: When Castiel fell from grace he bumped his head and bruised his soul. Now completely human and suffering from amnesia, it's up to the Winchester brothers and Bobby to take care of him. But one little white lie seems to complicate things. Eventual Destiel.
1. So Long Lonesome

**Heart Skipped A Beat.**

1.

_"Heart skipped a beat  
>And when I caught it you were out of reach<br>But I'm sure, I'm sure  
>You've heard if before."<em>

* * *

><p>It was the most graceful and chaotic thing Dean had ever seen. It was horrifyingly beautiful, demanding attention as it ripped and teared through the fading dark clouds of the night. Whatever it was, was devouring the air around it in a blur of piercing white light, with swirls of gold and red licking away at the night sky as it fell.<p>

Dean had to blink twice just to make sure he wasn't imagining it. His toe inched off the gas of the impala as his stare was glued to the sky instead of the road ahead. "Are you seeing this?" he snorted torn between awe and disbelief.

The hunter knew things like this didn't just fall from the sky unless they were supernatural, and judging by the way Sam's mouth was gaping he guessed this meant trouble.

"This can't be good," Sam shrugged shaking his head. "You better step on it if we're going to meet this thing when it lands," he continued stroking his chin thoughtfully.

Dean grunted, ignoring the obvious assumption that was floating around in the impala. He knew what his brother was so deep in thought with, and he couldn't help but let his traitorous mind flicker to the same idea for just a brief moment.

"Angels," Sam deadpanned, turning his burning gaze at Dean.

There was no other explanation for something so extraordinary to be littering the skies that hung above the small town of Milwaukee. That was the whole reason Bobby had sent them this way, excessive meteor showers that defied the laws of normalcy. Something unnatural that needed to be solved Bobby had claimed, and now Dean believed him.

Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightened until his knuckles turned a bitter white. He clenched his teeth within his mouth, and counted to ten before speaking, "It can't be angels Sam, you know that." He glared out the front windshield of the impala watching empty road and forest zip past him.

"We haven't seen a single damn angel since the Apocalypse," Dean grumbled, not making eye contact with his brother.

Sam sighed in a defeated manner, and returned his gaze to his window.

Neither of them had said it, but Dean was sure as hell that both of them had thought it to themselves.

_Not a damn angel, not even Castiel._

If Dean had known what he was going to find upon arriving at the point of impact, he would have skipped the town altogether. He would have brushed the thing off and never thought of it again. But it was already too late, and here he was staring at something he had hoped he would never have to see.

He cursed and paced back and forth trying to make some sense of what was happening. But no matter how many times his brain would concoct a reasonable explanation, all it took was a fleeting sideways glance to send him back into shambles again. This was too much too soon, and Dean was on the verge of just losing it completely.

The place looked like the set of a Hollywood horror movie, just a little ways off the highway in the middle of a barren desert like patch of earth that spread along the freeway. A massive crater was deep set into the ground, ashes and debris sprinkled around the jagged circle like an almost like an afterthought. Deep in the middle of the hole lay a crumpled naked body, dirty and bloody, but breathing peacefully nonetheless.

"I've called an ambulance," Sam whispered, placing a tentative hand on his brothers shoulders. "This, _this_ is out of our hands now."

Dean whipped his face to look up at Sam, his hand shot out to point at the gargantuan crater to the side of them and exasperated he yelled, "Sam, do you_ see _what's in that hole over there?"

Sam's eyebrows knitted in a tight expression, and he as calmly as he could he stood his brother down.

"Dean," He warned carefully just as the disorienting sirens and flashes of light overtook the scene and forced the brothers in a tight spot.

The older hunter took one last look at the crater now preoccupied with paramedics and the town police officers before squeezing his eyes shut.

"Fuck," He cursed, turning his back on the commotion behind him. "Just fuck it."

He wasn't quite sure how he had been convinced to come to the hospital, but here he was just another face in the crowd of people waiting for bad news.

Dean fidgeted in his plastic chair; his legs bounced restlessly against the pale tiled floor and he glared at the blank yellow walls of the waiting room. Nurses busied themselves around the main desk, and an endless amount of people streamed through the main entrance, not a single person had a smile of their face.

"It smells like piss," Dean muttered to Sam, who was too engrossed in a magazine beside him to be bother in responding.

Dean breathed hard through his nose and tried to relax.

He almost scoffed at the very idea, there was no way he could relax, not anytime soon at least. He wasn't just on edge, he was nervous, scared even. He wouldn't be caught dead admitting it, but he wasn't prepared for what had just happened and now he would have to deal with the mess left behind. The more he thought about it, the more tempted he was just to haul ass and run away - let someone else deal with the consequences.

Dean Winchester was good at that.

"It'll be alright Dean, stop worrying," Sam chuckled beside him, causing the older hunter to jump in his seat. "This is good news, you should be glad things played out the way they did."

"I hardly call this good news," Dean spat, scoffing his shoes against the floor in annoyance.

"I know nether of us expected this, and I know you're still holding a grudge and shit, but seriously Dean you could try being a little happy," Sam chided him in his bitch voice of reasoning.

Dean stared at Sam feeling exposed and naked, as if a dam of truth had just split and Dean was caught drowning somewhere. "I don't hold grudges," he spat in an attempt to defend himself.

"Bullshit," Sam said smiling, flipping to the next page in his magazine and dropping the subject.

Suddenly an attractive dark nurse appeared before Dean, her hands were placed on either side of her wide hips in defiance. "Me and Dr. Trenton would like to have a word with you two boys" she said sweetly albeit her accent made her speech hard to understand. Her name tag read Daisy and guessing by her long dread locked hair and full lips Dean was guessing she was Jamacian.

"Yes Ma'am." Dean answered, rising a little too quickly to his feet and following the nurse down a series of corridors until the ended up in the recovery ward,stopping just outside a closed door.

"It don't make a lick of sense" The nurse said to Sam as Dean's eyes flickered to the glass of the door, which gave hints to a distorted image within. "His injuries don't add up to the crime scene, I _saw_ the pictures of how he be found..." She trailed off quietly squinting her eyes at Deans hollow expression.

She turned her back to Dean and leaned up towards Sam's ear as if that way what she whispered wouldn't affect Dean. "He should be dead, wiped from existenc,e" She murmured hurriedly, and Sam nodded encouraging her to continue to spill any useful information. "It's a god sent miracle that he be still alive."

Dean visibly tensed his muscles the sinews becoming tense underneath his skin. He focused on breathing, just being able to psychically stand up right until his satirical nightmare was over with.

"Don't get me wrong Sugar, I said he was alive, not well," The nurse continued making eye contact with Dean before pulling a key from her scrubs and pushing the door open. "So brace yourselves alright boys, I'll be back with the Docter in a few."

The nurse gave one last look at the brothers before turning away, "Don't do anything stupid you hear?"

Sam hesitated in the doorway, blocking Deans view from the room within. "Maybe you were right, maybe we shouldn't stay."

"Too fucking late," Dean hissed pushing the moose of a man in front of him through the door frame before he stumbled into the room. To be honest the hunter was unsure of what he was expecting to see but he would never be ready for the sight that he did get.

Dean felt his heart seize up inside him and bile rise in his throat.

"Cas."

The first night had been the longest and most tiring for sure. Countless pocking and probing at Castiel's unresponsive and limp body and far too many viles of blood and syringes in Dean's professional opinion. Still the hunter had stayed coped up on the hard plastic chair by the angels bed until the wee hours of the night, until Sam had came in from the motel down the street and dragged him kicking and screaming out of the hospital.

Dean had given everyone hell that night.

Daisy was Castiel's personal day time nurse, and since Jimmy's insurance covered the cost of a private room Cas was taken care of every second of the day. The night shift nurse was a young ginger lad who was still only in school, and with his obvious lack of experience Dean paid him no attention; remembering only that his name may or may not have been Jack.

"Since he's unstable this machine here will monitor his heart beat per minute along with his -"

Dean tuned out the male nurse and turned his head out back towards the open window, he watched the stars twinkle above the hospitals smudged skyline vaguley thinking that Cas belonged up there behind the silvery clouds and not cramped in a dirty old hospital bed.

The hunter expelled an annoyed breath of air out as the room filled with the steady beep that was Castiel's heart beat played back through a machine. He listened intently counting out the exact seconds the sloppy lines on the monitor spiked up and down signaling with a muted beep another heartbeat.

"I'm just going to step outside and take my break now," Jack said leaving the room without another word.

"Yeah, whatever Jack," Dean called out behind the retreating scrub-clad back.

Dean turned his full attention back to the angel, studying the familiar face behind the bruises, tape and gauze. He swallowed hard, an awful feeling of nostalgia flooding over him suddenly. He placed one of his hands on Cas's shoulder in a friendly gesture, before practically begging, "Wake up Cas."

The machine beside him beeped once and went silent. Dean jolted up whipping his head towards the screen, he watched in delayed horror as the line spiked once and flat linned. The hunter felt hot blood pulse beneath his ears, and his own chest tighten and ache in agony. But all too suddenly the machine grudgingly pinged again with the hills and valleys representing the angels heartbeat returning to their regular intervals on the led monitor.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean announced to the the world in bewilderment, collapsing back into his chair from when he had jumped up when he believed Cas to be dead or dying.

"His heart skipped a beat," Dean repeated hysterically to himself over and over again until the words chased and bled into each other, becoming a jumbled mantra of seemingly meaningless words.


	2. Swallowing Dramamine

**Heart Skipped a Beat**

2.

_ "Travelling swallowing dramamine  
><em>_Feeling spaced breathing out  
><em>_I said what I'd said that I'd tell ya  
><em>_That you'd killed the better part of me  
><em>_I've said what I said and you know what I mean."_

* * *

><p>"It's obvious that Castiel fell out of grace," Sam hushed over his coffee in the hospital cafe on the main floor. He eyed the place suspiciously; making sure no one heard him as he explained his hypothesis. "The big guy upstairs must have finally gotten around to punishing the rebellion of angels in heaven." Sam said spitting out yet another idea in regards to how Cas washed up on earth again.<p>

But Dean was not hearing a single word of it, he wouldn't. "Cas it not human Sam," he argued stubbornly, chewing on his bagel with a fierceness, "Far from it, no mud monkey could of survived a fall like that."

"Then why is he still in recovery Dean?" Sam exclaimed his voice rising. "Just admit it, he's human now and not even we can save him."

"Sam-"

"No Dean, don't forget he has human blood coursing through his veins, no thanks to you." Sam hissed losing his patience. The second the words had left his mouth, the pained expression on Sams face tried to cover up the slip.

Dean jerked upright away from the table, a disgusted look coloured across his freckled face. He growled in the back of his throat and excused himself before practically running towards any escape that would have him. He heard Sam calling out after him, apologizing profusely but the hunter only ran faster. It wasn't until he had ducked into one of the sun rooms for the patients that he stopped sprinting and instead slumped himself into the couch.

The TV entertained itself as Dean struggled to keep his fists balled up by his sides. He didn't want to think about it, he had regretted the decision the second he had made it. But Cas needed a blood transfusion, and the Doctors didn't know how long it would take to get the proper blood donation. Cas didn't have a healthcare plan, didn't have shit all to his name other then his private room and that was his only option.

Dean almost gagged just thinking about. His dirty, tainted blood mingling with Cas's own, thundering through the angels arteries and veins and into his heart.

_What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?  
><em>

"Hello Dean," Daisy said, entering the sun room holding a clipboard and startling Dean.

Dean raised his head warily to acknowledge the nurse, he liked her and her Jamaican accent, since it made news about Cas more bearable to handle. The least he could do was be friendly with her after all the hard work she did tending after the angel.

"Don't look so sad boy; your friend is making a darn good recovery if you ask me."

He couldn't help but smile at her sympathetic voice, and he couldn't shake off the thought that Daisy was secretly a Jazz singer from the 1920s. When he had told Sam this, they both laughed until Sam had actually started crying.

The thought of his brother brought a sour taste in Dean's mouth and he dropped his eyes from Daisy's friendly gaze. "That was a nice thing you did back there, you know boy, not everybody is so keen on giving blood," she said softly in her broken English.

Dean grunted and absentmindedly rubbed the back of his wrists where days ago they had stuck an IV into him. He had sat upright in a chair beside Cas's bed, the angel asleep or knocked out by painkillers. He watched every drop as it made its decent into Castiels fragile body and he had gritted his teeth the entire time, hating himself.

That was the third day of recovery, and still Dean hadn't caught the angel awake. As if reading his mind Daisy piped in, "He's awake if you're wondering," she smiled and gestured for him to get going. "Tell him Daisy has been watching over him, tell him to get better real quick."

"Will do Ma'am," Dean laughed, giving a friendly salute to the nurse as he left the tiny room.

It was easy to get lost in the hospital the first few times Dean had come, but now he knew the exact route to take, two elevators and a left turn on the 6th floor and there Cas would be. Dean hardly believed that Castiel had to be kept in captivity so long, and the Angel would be shit out of luck if they had to stay any longer because they was running out of counterfeit money for motels.

Dean held his breath as he gently knocked and opened the door at the same time. He peeped his head in to see Cas sitting up in bed, his hands folded together in his lap.

The angel looked a hell of a lot better since the last time Dean had went in to check-up on him. The bruises that stained his pale skin had started to fade and change color, and most of the bandages had been peeled away from his face and arms. There was still a stubborn piece of gauze taped to Cas' cheek and he still sported a shiny black eye; but all things considered it had been a speedy and successful recovery. The only thing that bothered Dean now was the stupid IV that ran along the bedspread and spidered into Cas' left vein as if it belonged there. Every time Dean watched the clear liquid in the IV bag drip down and travel towards its destination, he had to fight off the urge to rip the needle from Cas' arm.

Turning his attention back to the angel Dean found himself at a loss of words, how did you greet a potentially fallen angel in the hospital anyways? A voice in the back of his head nagged at him, making damn sure Dean knew that whatever he said now would be the first words the two had exchanged in over three months.

"Uh.. Hi Cas," he said stupidly, taking a seat on the plush chair by the hospital bedside. On the table beside him there was a generic get well soon card from the hospital, a vase of cheap flowers that Sam had left the other day, and a _congratulations it's a boy _balloon that Dean had bought as a joke. But it weren't nearly as funny now.

Castiel tilted his head in a familiar fashion and parted his chapped lips. His half lidded eyes suggested he didn't quite understand something.

"How are you feeling buddy, you look all bright eyed and bushy tailed," Dean laughed uneasily, not forgetting the fact that he hadn't seen Castiel since they diverted the Apocalypse together. He didn't forget how Castiel never answered his prayers or even bothered to give a simple reason for his disappearance. Dean couldn't forget.

"Do I know you?" Cas asked slowly, his voice rough and wrecked just as it always was.

"Cas?"

Castiel shook his head and squinted his eyes towards the hunter. "They told me my name was Jimmy Novak," he said clearly confused. Dean already knew this, after all this was Jimmy's supposed body in the hospital - and if it meant a free room and service they could call Cas by whatever name they liked. But the fact that Cas didn't know the difference, that meant that something was seriously wrong.

"It's only me who calls you Cas," Dean said dumbly letting the words drop from his mouth.

"I asked you who you were," Cas asked again suspiciously from his bed; his piercing blue eyes narrowed and held Dean's stormy green ones, an unspoken conversation flitting between their gaze.

Dean's mouth opened and closed a few times on its own accord. There was a sudden pounding in his head and he tried to reach out for the angel but Cas only flinched away, "Dean Winchester."

"I'm sorry, but I think we should call the nurse in," Cas murmured uncertainly pushing the call button on the side of his bed. It glowed and shrilled a brilliant red with each passing second.

Dean couldn't take his eyes off the damn thing, "Cas it's me, stop fucking around," he hissed jumping up from the chair.

Cas frowned and rubbed his face tiredly, "I don't know you," he said simply. "And please stop calling me Cas," his voice whispered in a shaky tone, as if the angel wasn't sure what he wanted. Dean watched in disbelief as Castiel turned away from him, running a trembling hand through his messy dark hair and across his chin.

Daisy rushed into the room and by Cas' side only moments after the distress call had been sent out. "Is Everything alright, Jimmy boy?" she asked examining Deans startled face. "What seems to be the matter boys?"

"This man claims to know me, and he insists on calling me by the name Cas even though I clearly remember the hospital personnel calling me Jimmy Novak," Cas explained in his usual monotone voice. He shifted uncomfortably in the bed at Dean's loaded stare.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean hissed, throwing his hands up for show. "Are you saying you don't remember me?"

A look flickered across Daisy's face and she quickly ushered Dean out of the room. She whispered something to Cas and he nodded reluctantly. Closing the door behind her Daisy let out an exasperated sigh, "The Doctor hasn't told you boys yet?"

"Told us what?" Dean stressed, wondering what else could possibly go wrong.

Daisy rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, obviously stalling for time. "Well you see.." She began drawing her words out longer than usual, "Your friend Jimmy had a nasty fall and hit his head pretty darn hard yes?"

Dean waited impatiently, his foot tapping the ground in a frantic rhythm.

"While he survived with only minor psychical injuries I'm afraid his mental state is another story altogether," Daisy raised her hands defensively when Dean tensed beside her. "Amnesia," She blurted out, "He doesn't remember a single thing, didn't even know his own name when he came too."

"Amnesia?" Dean tried the word out for himself, he suddenly felt very lightheaded and giddy. He couldn't believe this was actually happening, he was a hunter and a Winchester and he did not deal with fallen angels who had lost their marbles. Not fallen angels who had once been his closet companion, who had picked up and left without an explanation or Dean allowed himself to weigh the pros of cons of abandoning Cas and shucking any responsibility, but just as quickly as the idea had come it was disposed of. If it was anyone other than Cas Dean wouldn't have thought twice about it, but it was Castiel, and such this was Dean's burden to bear as well.

"If we hadn't been able to track down his records he wouldn't know anything. He still doesn't have a complete grasp on his identity, but there is a lot missing from our documents on his life," Daisy explained turning a sympathetic face on Dean. "That is why the Doctor was supposed to talk to you boys, you're the only connections Jimmy boy has now and it's up to you two brothers to help him regain his memory."

"Excuse me?" A startled voice asked from down the corridor.

Dean snapped his head around to see Sam striding down the hallway, an apologetic smile on his face. Dean frowned, but didn't budge when Sam joined him with the nurse.

"How long will it take for his memory loss to subside?" Sam asked.

"Hopefully like most cases of this severity, something said or done will trigger all of his old memories. But for now we can only teach him about his past, and tell him the truth of who he is," Daisy pursed her lips thoughtfully. "The pieces of the puzzle usually fall into place after that, it going to take some time though."

"What if he never remembers?" Dean interjected, being so blunt it took the nurse of guard. But he couldn't help himself, if he was never going to get the old nerdy angel back he wanted to know upfront. The hunter didn't think he could, in any sense, deal with losing Castiel again, no matter the situation.

"He will remember," Daisy responded just as bluntly, her disposition challenging the brothers. "If there is anything worth fighting for, even the smallest thing worth remembering, then he will beat the amnesia."

Sam's gaze flickered towards Dean's face for only a split second but when he looked away his resolve was sure, "He'll remember," he said, "He has something to come back to."


	3. Not Human at All

**Heart Skipped a Beat**

3.

_"It's not your fault.  
>It's my own fault.<em>  
><em>I'm not human at all;<br>I have no heart."_

* * *

><p>"Let's try this again, shall we?" Dean said uneasily as he entered Cas' room again, he held his bruised and usually bloodied hand out for the angel and he sighed impatiently, "My name is Dean Winchester, you don't remember me now but we used to be good friends."<p>

_Or so I thought until you abandoned me for the second time._

The hunter shook his head shaking the stray thought away; he smiled slightly when Cas gingerly took his hand and shook it limply. "It's a pleasure to meet you Dean, I apologize for my inability to remember you and for the way I acted earlier."

Cas turned his head to the taller man standing in the doorway. "And who might you be?"

Sam strutted into the room and thrust his hand out eagerly, "I'm Dean's brother Sam, and while I didn't have the same profound bond you and Dean had, we were friends as well."

Castiel tilted his head, swallowing the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. The words profound bond nagged at him, but he couldn't place the words meanings with the faces before him.

"Well hello Sam, I hope in time I will remember you both."

"Yeah, me too" Dean said shrugging his shoulders awkwardly. He wasn't used to Cas being so reserved and formal. Nerdy and aloof sure - not like this exactly, it only emphasized the fact that the old Cas was lost somewhere while this impostor pranced around in his body. It hurt the Dean's head trying to wrap his mind around it, Cas in Jimmy's body, and now angel Cas in human Cas' body - or something along the lines of that.

"If you don't mind me asking, why is it that you insist on calling me Cas?" Castiel motioned for the brothers to sit. Sam took this lead and leant up against the window sill while Dean continued to stubbornly stand.

"Castiel," Sam corrected, "Cas for short."

"But why?"

Dean snorted, "Because it's your name."

The older hunter rounded the corner of the bed and looked Cas dead in the eyes, without thinking he began to ramble, "Your an angel of the lord Cas, you were sent to earth to take care of us and now you've fallen from grace and can't remember fuck all," he took a breath to steady himself. "We adverted the Apocalypse together once before, you were in this vessel who belonged to a man named Jimmy Novak, but this is your body now and your name is Cas."

"And way to drop a bombshell," Sam muttered to himself, shaking his head disapprovingly.

Cas frowned deeply and crossed his arms across his chest. "For some reason my personal records are incomplete, so when I wake up unable to recall my own identity I find out that all my immediate family is dead and that I was accused for their murder." He paused for his words to get through, "And on top of that you two strangers come in and make a complete mockery of my situation."

"Cas it isn't like that, I swear-"

"Look, apparently you two are the only people who have any clue of who I was before, the least you could do is try to help me out."

Sam nodded profusely in agreement, his eyes sad in understanding. "Look I'll explain what actually happened." He mentally started preparing himself to bullshit something that made sense.

"After the incident involving your wife and daughter, you were naturally the biggest suspect in the matter and you left - unable to cope with the loss and the pressing charges. You left your old life of being Jimmy Novak, and went by the name Castiel when you met us. Since me and Dean traveled a lot as part of our job, you tagged along and we all became good friends."

Sam bit his lip, rerunning his entire spiel back in his mind to see if it made sense. He was able to mix the truth with only a few lies but the apprehensive look on Cas' face told him the angel wasn't completely sold.

"You disappeared a couple of months ago," Dean added to the story, "I tried calling you, we both tried to find you but you didn't want to be found. It was a complete coincidence that we found you on the side of the road the way we did, we don't even know how you ended up there."

Cas' eyelids fluttered shut, the overwhelming amount of information bogging him down emotionally.

"You forgot one thing," He murmured, his adams apple bobbing as he tried to swallow. "_Did_I murder my family?" His voice was full of conviction, desperate for an answer no matter how gruesome the truth might be.

"No," Dean assured him his eyes twinkling sadly.

"As far as we're concerned, Jimmy Novak died on that day too," Sammy said honestly.

The three men stared at each other not sure what else to say.

* * *

><p>"Only direct family be allowed in the room with the patient during tests," Daisy explained solemnly, jotting something down on her clipboard. "Mother, brother, partner..." She listed off, flipping back and forth through the pages describing Castiel's specific case.<p>

"I be only following procedures, you must understand boys, patient confidentiality and what not." Daisy finally looked up meeting Castiel's frightened eyes, her own expression softened immediately.

Cas fiddled with his thumbs in his lap, a deep set frown lingering on his face. "I don't want to do it alone," he whispered low enough so that no one would hear his gaze fell to his lap.

Dean hardly heard the sentence in its entirety, but he read the unspoken words on the angels lips and his resolve slowly began to reel. Dean knew what he had to do; and although it wasn't exactly how he wanted things to play out he had to take one for the team and he knew it.

"I'll go with him." Dean blurted out before he could think things over too rationally.

"You family?" Daisy asked skeptically, her bright eyes flickering between Castiel and Dean's face repeatedly.

Dean blew out a gust of air and closed his eyes in defeat. "Yeah, we're _together_." He gritted out weakly, his wide fake smile flattering slightly by the intense look of confusion Cas and the nurse gave him.

"Together?" Daisy tried the word out for herself, her voice laced with disbelief. "You two be boyfriends or husbands or what have you?"

The hunter scratched his cheek in embarrassment, a million thoughts of how out of control this little white lie could take him. But Dean briefly glanced sideways and saw the lost look in Castiel's blue eyes, and even though Dean was a bonafide asshole he would do whatever it took it get the former angel back.

"Call it whatever you like, we don't have a label." Dean said sternly, keeping his head high and his voice level.

He waited for Daisy to call them out, for the look of fright and dread to overtake Castiel's face once again - but it never came.

Daisy pursed her lips in thought; she turned to Castiel ready to help him out of bed before gently sighing, "Is this true, Jimmy boy?"

Dean didn't know whose face looked more hopeful.

Cas blinked once before he meekly breathed, "I think so."

Those three words threatened to drive Dean out of the room and knock him flat on his ass. He stood his ground ignoring the smothering look Daisy gave the hunter and the angel. Dean cleared his throat, "Let's get this over with already."

Castiel lips tugged upwards in a hint of a smile, and he turned to walk away trembling slightly as he went.

* * *

><p>Sam caught the crowd just about to leave Castiel's private recovery room. "Hey, what's the emergency?" he asked, hurrying to follow behind the group and falling into step.<p>

"CT scan" Daisy explained pointing to her temple, "Make sure that Jimmy boys brain is a-OK."

Sam noticed how Castiel visibly flinched, and he let a simple "Oh" out in response. Sam wasn't a professional or anything but he understood how uncomfortable a CT scan could be, with the dye in the bloodstream and the painkillers.

They neared a different wing in the hospital where Doctor Trenton stood waiting at the automatic opening glass doors. Sam never took a liking to the Doctor, he was all charm and cliché and not nearly reliable as Daisy was.

"Only direct family is allowed past this point, I'm afraid," said the Doctor, his rugged face pulled into a carefree smile.

Daisy nodded knowingly and whispered something into the Doctors ear, his smile only grew bigger and he chuckled. "Alright, in you go boys" He said, ushering Castiel and Dean in through the doors. His hand shot out just before Sam could make it inside, "Sorry champ, only family is permitted in during tests such as these, I'm sure you understand."

Sam crinkled his nose in confusion, "But I'm his brother" he uttered in defence, pointing at Dean.

"That's swell sport, but only direct ties to the _patient _may enter" The Doctor patiently explained. "Since your brother is the patient's significant other he is technically allowed in. I apologize for the inconvenience but you can feel free to wait outside here."

"Significant other?" Sam rambled, his mouth hanging agape. "What the hell ar-"

"You may watch through the glass of the doors, but I'm afraid you won't hear the diagnosis unless the patient tells it to you directly." The Doctor interrupted his smile running thin, "Now if you excuse me I have a brain to x-ray."

Sam made a face as the Doctor left, the door locking in place behind him. Sam pressed his face as close to the glass as he could, his hands and cheeks leaving imprints on the translucent surface.

From his spot against the glass he watched the scene in front of him play out like a silent film.

Castiel's body lay motionless on the plastic surface on the CT scanner table; he looked deathly still except for the slow rise and fall of his hospital gown as he breathed. The Doctor talked animatedly about something or another, pointing to various screens around the room as the nurse pushed buttons here and there on instruction.

Dean, who was off to one side of the machine kept interrupting the Doctor with a snarky look on his face. Sam couldn't help but grin when Castiel lolled his head to the left to look at Dean. The two stared at each other silently as the nurse and Doctor bustled around the room preparing the test.

The Doctor gave some sort of signal to the nurse and Castiel flinched on the table, looking desperately at Dean. The angels hand ghosted across the table and reached out weakly for the hunter. Sam kept his eyes glued on the hovering hand, he watched in admiration when Dean took a defiant step closer and clasped the hand in his own.  
>Dean held the gesture, looking like he was ready to arm wrestle with Cas in the way there hands met but he dropped his grip, letting Cas' hand fall back to his side.<p>

Castiel turned his head straight and let it fall backward a little; his eyes went wide as the strip of thin light danced across his face and down his throat as his body was eaten up by the hum of the scanner.

The Doctor and Nurse laughed while waiting for the scan to be finished but Dean just frowned and let his clenched fists fall in a tight ball by his thighs. He didn't utter a single word until Cas was off the table and back onto two feet again.

"Are we done now?" Dean grumbled walking out of the doors, making fleeting eye contact with Sam.

"Hey since when did you and Cas go by significant other?" Sam laughed, narrowly avoiding the punch Dean half-heatedly threw in his direction.

"I'll explain everything later, I swear" Dean gritted out, despite the lopsided smile stretched out across his cheeks.

* * *

><p>"It's just one little white lie." Dean said defensively, pacing back and forth in the hospital waiting room, right back where they had started from.<p>

"Not if he believes it!" Sam said trying to be the voice of reason, "How is he ever going to remember the truth if we keep spitting lies at him?" Sam objected, thumbing through a sports magazine in the same chair he sat in the first night they had spent at the hospital.

Dean shivered and brushed off the notion of deja vu, "He'll be fine."

"I'm convinced he'd be better off without us" Sam said, his voice soft. "This is probably the only chance he will ever have at a human life and we're taking that away from him.." he cleared his throat trailing off.

"Were doing him a favour Sammy," Dean argued eyeing the dwindling number of people waiting patiently opposite the brothers. "I'm helping him get his old life back."

"Don't you think he deserves something more than that?" Sam mused to himself.

"Look we're just picking him up off his feet, this is the first time Cas has been this weak okay?" Dean snapped, only lowering his voice when the other nurses started looking over. "Once he's better if he feels like running off and playing human, we'll then he can be my guest."

When Dean noticed Sam rolling his eyes, the older hunter huffed out beneath his breath, "I'm a real boy!"

"Just remember what I said jerk."

"Bitch."

"All be well boys, Jimmy boy is being discharged tonight" Daisy interrupted waltzing over to where the brothers sat. "His tests show that nothing be terribly wrong, and other than the post traumatic amnesia and his dissociate state he be free to go." Daisy beamed happily.

"That's great news." Sam was the first to say, beating Dean to the punch line.

"Yes, but if his memory loss persists or anything happens we encourage you boys to call us immediately" Daisy became serious, "And Jimmy should have regular checkups and appointments until his amnesia clears up."

The Winchesters exchanged a look.

Suddenly the Doctor entered the room with Cas following closely behind. After discussing paperwork and a bunch on other medical jargon that was lost on Deans ear the Doctor finally laughed obnoxiously before gesturing for Cas to join the brothers.

"You take care of him now," The Doctor said playfully, stroking his eight o' clock shadow.

"We'll take it from here," Sam said easily, patting Cas gently on the back.

"Promise?" Daisy piped in.

"We'll do our best" Dean grumbled, making eye contact with the angel before speaking again. "I'll try, but no promises."


	4. Follow Me Down

**Heart Skipped A Beat**

4.

_"So follow me down (Where to?)  
>Out of this town (With you)<br>Boy you're moving way too slow...  
>So follow me down (Which way?)<br>I'll show you around (okay)  
>There's a place we gotta go."<em>

* * *

><p>"We should take a little detour and pick up Cas some clothes," Dean suggested, checking his rear view mirror where Castiel had fallen asleep crookedly against the window, snoring lightly.<p>

"Yeah, and it would give us some time to explain the situation to Bobby," Sam agreed from the passenger seat, fiddling with the town map in his lap. "Take the next exit and we can stop for lunch while we're at it."

Dean grunted in response, taking the directions Sam gave him, "Do you think he'll be alright?"

"Bobby?" Sam asked skeptically, "Yeah, we've dealt with worse before."

"No, Cas!"

Sam laughed and stole a look at the angel in the backseat of the impala, he let out one last chuckle before sighing, "I really don't know, but I'd take babysitting a fallen angel over hunting any day," he said in all seriousness.

"Alright then get to hell out of my baby," Dean joked, pulling into a vacant parking spot in front of a bar and grill restaurant that was attached to a strip of outlet malls. Colorful flags waved from each individual entrance and a big bear statue roared in the middle of the parking lot. Dean gave Sam his trademark where the hell did we end up this time look, and Sam only smirked in reply.

Dean opened the back door and gently nudged the sleeping man in the back, "Hey, daylights burning," he whispered as Cas blinked away his sleepiness."Lets grab something to eat; you must be starving after all that hospital food."

Cas nodded groggily, stepping clumsily out of the car. He followed the brothers silently into the restaurant, dark creases already beginning to form around his cerulean eyes. They sat in a dark plush booth near the back of the restaurant, staring at the grungy menus placed before them.

"I'm your waiter Katie, can I interest you boys with a couple o' drinks?" A busty brunette asked, wiping her hands down on her pin stripped apron.

"Three beers," Dean automatically responded, sticking up the appropriate number of fingers on his right hand out of habit. He shot the waitress a lopsided albeit charming smile and turned back to his menu.

"Perfect, I'll be back lickity split to take your orders," Katie giggled, spinning away on her heel.

Sam stood awkwardly from the table, ducking his head to avoid banging into the hanging light fixture above their table. "Just order me a salad, I'm going to give Bobby a call," He excused himself stepping outside the restaurant and fishing his cell phone out.

Cas watched intently as Sam left his eyes trailing behind the younger Winchester. The angel cleared his throat, getting Deans attention, "If you don't mind me asking..." he started quickly losing his train of thought.

"Shoot," Dean encouraged, instantly forgetting about the twelve famous burgers listed on his menu.

Cas dropped his gaze from Dean's curious eyes, his hands busying themselves within his lap. "I was just wondering why your brother Sam looked so shocked when Doctor Trenton said we were _together_," His voice fell to a fervent whisper near the end of his sentence.

_Because I lied to you, and neither of us feel that way clearly._

"Because.. what we had before was _complicated_," Dean admitted scratching the back of his neck like he always did when he notably lied. He forced his hand down and almost kissed the waitress when she interrupted whatever Cas was prepared to say.

"Ready to order fellas? I recommend our chicken pot pie," Katie gushed, swooning towards Dean.

"Two cheeseburgers with fries, a greek salad and whatever flavor of pie you think is best for desert." Dean said, folding up the menus and hoping what he had ordered for Cas was alright, but the angel wouldn't look him in the eye.

"Thanks sweetie," Dean threw in as the waitress disappeared towards the kitchen. Her obnoxious giggles managing to float back towards the table along with the return of Sam.

"Bobby would be glad to have us," Sam exclaimed sliding back into the booth across from Dean and beside Cas.

"Great," Castiel said honestly taking a timid sip from his beer, and avoiding all eye contact with the older Winchester.

"Really, you remember Bobby?" Sam asked clearly astonished.

Cas swirled the remains of his drink around in the hollow bottle before answering. "Not until you mentioned him earlier, but then it just hit me, of course I remember Bobby Singer."

"He has a junkyard in his backyard, he recently recovered and no longer needs the assistance of a wheelchair, and he is in many ways like a father to you two." Cas continued when no one bothered to speak again, "Some details still escape me though, I can't for the life of me remember what he does for a living."

"Of course you remember Bobby," Dean said sarcastically feeling only slightly aggravated that of all people Cas remembered it was the old drunk. He loved Bobby in all, but how could Cas so easily forget him, the infamous Dean Winchester of all people.

"You gripped me tight and raised me perdition, and now that I'm finally showing you some respect yo-"

"Orders up!" Katie announced bestowing various dishes of piping hot food on the table, silencing all conversation in the booth. She smiled brightly at the three boys, but her smile faded when she noticed the tense atmosphere in the booth. "Just call if you n need anything and I'll be here in a jiffy."

"You are the only real thing I remember Dean, I know - I just_ know_ that you were part of my life before." Cas hissed pushing his burger instinctively away from himself, "I just can't remember at this moment why you were such a big part of me, but I don't owe you anything Dean Winchester."

Sam chocked on the first bite of his salad, gawking at the former angel. He coughed several times, trying to clear the blockage in his throat. It seemed as both him and Cas were waiting for the undeniable explosion and shit storm to pour out of Dean's mouth after such a comment. Cas blinked several times, blushing from the fact he had allowed himself to explode like that, he was about to apologize when Dean burst out in a fit of laughter.

Sam and Cas exchanged a look as Dean continued to chuckle out loud to himself.

"Damn right you don't owe me anything Cas," He said happily the lines around his eyes creasing when he smiled, "Now eat up, I ordered red meat which is your favourite - in case you were wondering."

"Yes you must be _famished,_" Sam said laughing with Dean at the inside joke and just like that the meal returned to its normal atmosphere. Dean took a long swig of his beer and Sam chewed into the ripe tomatoes of his salad.

Cas looked at the brothers with his trademark questioning look, but he took a big greedy bite of the burger regardless. It was one of the best tasting things he had ever bitten into as far as he remembered.

"Thank you," The angel whispered to no one in particular and continued on devouring his burger.

* * *

><p>The trio had stopped at the nearest generic department store available, and almost surprisingly they had finished their errands without any major problems. Cas had roamed the aisles of the men's clothing his hands grazing the various shirts and pants on display, his face blank and unchanging as he drifted throughout the store. He picked up couple of outfits without bothering to try anything on or even glimpse at the price.<p>

Dean wasn't at all surprised by Cas's choice of clothing, the same style of dress shirts and pants, simple dark belts and leather shoes, and amazingly a strikingly similar tan trench coat. Some things like the casual wear and pyjamas were a little unnerving for Dean to buy, but only because the thought of Cas doing anything remotely human was odd. They finished their raid by picking up the essential toiletries and personal belongings, their cart filled to the brim with the promise of a new life.

"I apologize ahead of time for my lack of finical support," Cas drawled out in the checkout line.

"Don't worry about it," Sam chirped happily, throwing another handful of colourful shirt and tie assembles onto the cash register for the employee to scan. "We've got it covered," he continued, flipping through various counterfeit credit cards in his wallet deciding which wasn't maxed out already.

The angel nodded thankfully, slightly abashed by the increasing total amount the electronic register read.

"I don't know what to say," Cas admitted.

A feeling Dean had never felt before began to wash over him, taking him off guard. He couldn't place the name of the emotion, and he pushed the sinking feeling in his gut away trying to focus on the surreal nature of their outing. The hunter reminded himself it only felt so weird because what they were doing was normal, a concept Dean wasn't familiar with.

Dean gave the angel a friendly punch to the shoulder, a tight smile on his face. "Just don't mention it," He said itching to bolt out of the store and back onto the road. He knew this fantasy of him, Sam, and Cas being normal wouldn't last long and he wanted it to be over sooner than later.

Dean didn't want to get used to anything that wouldn't last.

* * *

><p>Bobby welcomed the boys with open arms. Or in his signature style, an armful of beer and a worn smile stretched out across his aging face. "'S good to see you boys, how've you idjits been?" he asked nonchalantly, ushering the boys into his cozy kitchen. Cas followed without a hitch, wheeling his over packed suitcase through the house as if he owned the place.<p>

"Still alive so I can't complain," Dean responded, sinking into one of the wooden chairs in the kitchen relaxing in the comfort of a familiar place. He cracked the cap of his drink and took a long enjoyable sip, sighing afterwards.

"How about you?" Bobby asked a little paranoid, eyeing the angel skeptically. The old hunter would have thrown holy water or pressed silver against the angel in some sort of test, but the shaken and scared look Cas gave off confirmed he wasn't a threat to anything.

"I'm doing well, thank you," Cas replied, gingerly placing his unopened drink onto the kitchen counter.

"Good, good." Bobby said scratching at the rough beard at the end of his face. "You boys are welcome here as long as you need a place to stay. I uh.. I haven't figured the rooms out yet so feel free to fight over the couch." He shrugged his shoulders, and tilting his beer bottle back finished his drink.

"We don't share a room Dean?" Castiel voiced curious, flinching when Dean spat a mouthful of his beer out and Sam burst out in a fit of obnoxious laughter.

"What?"

"I mean, I just assumed since.." The angel trailed off a faint blush painting his cheeks.

"Oh," Dean lamely said, remembering his infamous lie.

The room fell quiet save for the quiet tick of a clock somewhere deep inside the house. Bobby stood dumbfounded not exactly understanding that extent of Castiels sentence. Sam had explained the angel had lost his memory temporally when he fell to earth but since when did that add up to Dean and Cas sleeping together. He had dealt with a lot of weird shit before, but this defiantly took the cake. Bobby couldn't say he was surprised or anything, it was about time they figured their crap out in his opinion.

The old hunter shivered at the thought of the two supposed lovebirds now residing his household, his eye twitched. This was going to take some time to get used to.

"Not that this isn't awkward or anything, but I'm just going to bring my stuff in," Sam cleared his throat, motioning to Bobby to help get his things from the car.

"I'll help," Bobby said a little too enthusiastically, ducking out of the backdoor of the kitchen a chuckling Sam not too far being.

"I'm not sure what I did wrong," Cas huffed out sitting across from Dean, their knees knocking beneath the rickety table. It shocked Dean like electricity, and he willed his leg not to flip the table over from the contact.

Dean tried to play it cool and shrugged his shoulders, "Beats me, we never shared a room before so they were probably just surprised." The hunter furrowed his eyebrows thinking over what he was saying, no that wasn't right. "Actually they probably didn't know we we're together in the first place." The sentence felt forced and fake coming from his mouth, but he managed not to throw up which was a good sign.

_Because we weren't together, we aren't, we never will be. _

His mind chanted over and over again like a mantra penetrating his brain like a swarm of angry bees. Dean wanted to physically punch the thought in the face, but he gritted his teeth and tiredly looked Cas in the eye. His little white lie was becoming more and more complicated by the second, and knowing his luck it would only spiral out of control. Dean had never given much thought to what happened when Cas finally did remember the truth; then what would he say for manipulating the angel into a fake relationship with no purpose. Dean cringed in his seat, a billion dramatic scenarios exploding behind his eyes. Dean had to come clean before he got in too deep.

"That's quite peculiar," Cas exasperated his fingers drumming against his lip in thought. "You wouldn't be opposed to sharing a room would you? I still feel very -" he paused looking for the right word, his tone more cautious than smothering, "_Inclined_ to you Dean Winchester."

"Oh god," Dean groaned.

* * *

><p>Cas ended up taking the couch, much to Dean's reluctance. The hunter tried to make some sort of arrangement that would please both of them, but they soon reached a stalemate. Cas insisted he take the couch downstairs, because after all it was Dean's bedroom the one he slept in whenever the Winchesters crashed at Bobby's, and thus it only made sense in Cas' mind that he shouldn't intrude on such a place.<p>

"It is _your _bedroom," Cas argued, his low velvet voice attacking Dean's resolve.

"Yeah, but you just got out of the hospital Cas, stop being so hardheaded," Dean gently spat back.

"So then it's settled I'll take the couch," Cas said his voice leaving no room for argument. He raised from his seat at the kitchen and grabbing his suitcase left for the living room, leaving Dean to shake his head.

"If you insist," Dean grumbled letting his head fall into his hands.

They still stuck to this sleeping arrangement, Cas sprawled out on the two sizes too small couch and Dean guilt ridden in his big comfy bed upstairs. Neither of them could sleep very well at all, but for entirely different reasons.


	5. It's My Heart

**Heart Skipped A Beat**

5.

_"It's my heart you're stealing,  
>and it's my heart you'll take.<br>It's my heart you're dealing with,  
>and it's my heart you'll break."<em>

* * *

><p>"Any news about Dean?" Castiel asked Bobby who was reading a book about angel sigils in the library, "And Samuel of course." Cas added quickly in embarrassment of forgetting one half of the whole. His conscience ate away at him as he remembered painfully that Dean was the only thing he really cared about at this point. He sifted uncomfortably in his chair across the room at the magnitude of such a thought.<p>

"Called last night," Bobby answered absentmindedly, thumbing through his pages.

Cas waited patiently in his plush chair, scanning the mirage of book spines stationed on the rows of shelves in the library. Some titles gave him a jolt as if he had read them before, or as if they meant something to him. He brushed this assumption off, considering the names of the books that gave him these feelings: the bible, a book about purgatory, various hardcover's about demons and angels.

"The hunt went well, surprisingly considering those idjits were gone for so damn long. I mean a whole three days without contacting us I swear -" Bobby grumbled to himself, his words becoming too jumbled to be understood by Cas.

The angel rolled his eyes. Three days ago the brothers had claimed they had to leave to take care of something, and they wouldn't say what or where as they left Cas in the hands of Bobby. That wasn't what bothered him, since they gave him money and keys to an old car from Bobby's junkyard (which was next to useless since Cas had no intention of learning how to drive) so he was not a prisoner in any sense. It was when Bobby sat him down one night over TV dinners in the living room and tried to explain everything. Cas had listened politely maybe even intently at some bits, but even Bobby's story telling skills couldn't convince him.

"It was only a few vampires, so we shouldn't have wasted our time worrying about them," Bobby mumbled, glancing sideways at Cas' stifled reaction of disbelief. The old hunter dog-eared a page in his book and smacked it shut producing a small cloud of dust.

"I wouldn't lie to you boy," Bobby said turning to face Cas so that they were holding a conversation from either sides of the library. "Well.." He drawled out in a second thought, chuckling. "You went on hunts with Sam and Dean before, and sometimes you even helped more than you hindered." Bobby teased lightly, remembering all the times having an angel of the lord on the team had caused issues.

Cas pondered this for a moment, and true enough he had little flashes of things he didn't quite understand. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind he knew that he had hunted with the Winchesters once upon a time; as much as he didn't want to believe it.

"Yes, I vaguely remember."

"That's real good," Bobby commented sincerely, reopening his book without another word.

* * *

><p>When the Winchester brothers returned they brought take-out Chinese food with them. "Hey Bobby, miss me?" Sam asked playfully, unloading an armful of cardboard boxes and dishes on to the kitchen table. The old hunter snorted as Sam ducked out of the kitchen again laughing, brushing past Dean who greeted Bobby with a smirking face.<p>

"How was babysitting the baby in the trench coat?" Dean asked preparing to stuff his face in greasy food while Sam unloaded the impala.

"Kid's been having night terrors, don't think he's slept a wink this whole week," Bobby shrugged his shoulders, sitting at his end of the table sniffing appreciatory at the containers of hot food.

Dean's stomach fell, his appetite long gone with the news of Cas' struggles. He had hoped in vain that when he returned Cas would be back to his ignorant angel self and that life would return back to normal - but apparently nothing could ever work out in Dean's favour.

Sam and Cas both entered the room at the same time, Sam looking buoyant and content while Cas on the other hand looked miserable. It made Dean instantly regret leaving him in favor of the hunt, but it seemed like such a good idea at the time. But now with Cas' haggard sleep deprived face lighting up at the sight of him, it was enough to make the hunter sick.

Cas' eyes shone brightly when he first saw the brothers. He didn't know how to greet them so he simply said, "Hello Dean, Sam." With a curt nod sat himself down at the table, opening a container of Thai noodles.

"Hey Cas, how were things while we were away?" Sam asked signalling to the others with his hands to dig into the meal.

Cas looked up from his mouthful of noodles; something told him by the look on Sam's face that table manners and social interaction weren't his strong points in the past. He quickly swallowed his food and cleared his throat, "Bearable."

"Just barley," Bobby threw in winking at Cas.

Sam laughed his big stupid oaf of a laugh but Dean only continued playing his fork in his fried rice, no one noticed that he hadn't had a mouthful of food yet. His short fuse ran shorter as the hunter watched Cas up to his old antics, stuffing food into his face and awkwardly playing with his feet under the table because he never learned personal space.

Dean snapped, "Let's get one thing straight right now Cas, you're taking the bed upstairs got it?"

Dean was expecting a couple of comebacks, a heated battle of glares across the table, but instead Cas only tilted his head in a way that killed the hunter every time and muttered, "If you insist Dean."

* * *

><p>The couch was way too small for Dean, his legs peaked over one end while his head threatened to roll off the edge of the other. He swore craning his neck into a more comfortable position as he stared at the marks on the ceiling in hopes it would put him to sleep. No such luck tonight.<p>

Bobby's house was deathly quiet for once, the only sounds being the great grandfather clock ticking rhythmically to itself, Sam's soft snores from the panic room where he slept, and the occasional blood curdling scream. Dean sighed unable to ignore it any longer, Cas was kooked up upstairs screaming his head off periodically. The night would be calm and silent only to be rudely interrupted by the noises ripped from the angels throat from behind a closed door.

Dean stealthily climbed the staircase, careful not to wake anybody. He stood outside of Cas' bedroom door rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet fighting with himself. To go in or not go in that is the question. Sighing Dean strode up to the closed door and knocked on it timidly. He waited holding his breath as he listened for any sign of the Angel being awake. After a couple of long painful minutes passing Dean turned away ready to get back to his couch, when the door suddenly creaked open.

Cas stood in the open doorway rubbing his eyes in a simple grey cotton shirt and his boxers; the sight of the angel so vulnerable made Dean blush.

"Dean?" Cas' voice cracked from sleep.

Dean entered the bedroom, and closed the door behind him hearing it lock. He gulped at the intimacy of the situation before kicking his mind in the butt for straying so far off. "You were screaming," Dean gaped, stating the obvious.

Cas frowned, his eyes creased with dark circles. He backed up, taking a seat on the edge of his unmade bed patting the space beside him and looking tiredly up at Dean. The hunters skin prickled as he took one step after another to get beside the angel. When he sat down the bed groaned in protest announcing how close they were in proximity.

"Nightmares," Cas croaked running a frustrated hand through his messy hair, "No, just one nightmare - the same one every night."

"About what?" Dean asked skeptically, unable to imagine anything that would scare the angel.

"I don't know - it doesn't really make sense."

Dean waited, watching Cas fidget on the bed trying to get his thoughts in line. Cas wrinkled his nose, making a pained expression. "It starts off differently each time, but I always seem to find myself falling," Cas began his voice no louder than a whisper. "Falling in a endless, pitch black pit and I just keep tumbling horribly downwards and it never ends until finally-" The angels voice broke and his breath hitched when he spoke again. "Finally I see a light, the most tremendous bright shining light I have ever seen, in a place so dark no light should be able to shine and yet there it is guiding me." Cas sucked in a deep breath of air, his lips on the verge of trembling.

"And suddenly I'm flying, no _soaring _through this hell hole towards the light - the only thing that matters."

"Let me guess, you never make it to the light?" Dean interrupted his voice low and caring. He wasn't the smartest person on the planet, but he had caught on to Cas' nightmare almost instantly. There was no mistaking Cas was remembering gripping Dean out of the pit, but told like this it made Dean choke up.

"No, I grab the light and it's the most fleeting, complete feeling I have ever experienced," Cas explained foiling Dean's suggestion, "It's only when I wake up do I remember ever losing the light in the first place, to wake up empty handed like that it almost _aches_."

"Okay, I get it," Dean ground out between clenched teeth, hoping Cas wouldn't say anything else of such magnitude. The angel pursed his lips looking desperately towards Dean for answers or condolence, but instead Dean stood from the bed and turned around. Without warning Dean shimmied his shirt up and over his head, throwing the discarded shirt to the ground.

Cas watched intrigued, not sure how to react to his supposed boyfriend suddenly stripping instead of helping him understand his onslaught of nightmares.

"You saved me once Cas," Dean whispered with his back still turned away from the angel. "You gripped me tight and raised me from hell," Dean turned slowly, exposing the hand-print scar on his shoulder for Cas to see.

The angel stifled a gasp, his eyes widening at the red puckered flesh on Dean's shoulder. As Dean rounded the bed to sit back down, Cas couldn't help but hesitantly place his right on over top the scar, tsking when he found his hand was a perfect fit. "Literally?" He asked, thumbing the slightly raised skin absentmindedly.

Dean gave the angel a lopsided smile, ignoring how Cas' hand burned and tingled his bare skin, "You tell me."

"I don't know, I hope so," Castiel whispered through a shit-eating grin that Dean had never witnessed on the angels face before. It caught the hunter off guard and made his heart sputter uselessly. Dean hoped more than anything Cas' didn't notice the sudden change in atmosphere.

They were in dangerous territory now, on the bed so close, Cas' touching him like he was, Bobby and Sam sound asleep downstairs. They were safe behind a closed door, but Dean knew no matter how persistent and undeniable his libido was he wouldn't dare touch a hair on Cas' head - not yet. Since when did he so willingly change teams Dean wondered but he already knew the answer, he hadn't it was only Cas - it had always just been Cas.

Kicking his own ass mentally, Dean decided to ruin the moment to prevent something he couldn't stop from happening, "I can stay here tonight if you want." Dean said confusing even himself, "Maybe you won't have nightmares if I do or whatever," He resisted the urge to face palm himself for being so dumb.

"If you think that will work," Cas said gingerly, his hand falling from Dean's shoulder.

"What the hell," Dean mused crawling across the half of the bed that was already made, he sprawled himself out on top of the covers lying completely still with his face angled towards the ceiling. He focused on his breathing, just the steady in and out as Cas snuggled in beside him, throwing the covers over himself. They lay in bed beside each other, breathing, Dean hyper aware of every movement or sound the late angel made. How the hell did he get in this situation again, "Just until you fall asleep that is." Dean clarified, mortified of how Bobby and Sam would react over Cas and his innocent sleepover.

Cas glanced at Dean through hooded sleepy eyes, his expression blissful, "Thank you Dean Winchester."

Dean did not respond, he didn't want to spoil the moment with petty words. The hunter watched the angels eyes flutter closed and his breathing slow to a faint snore. He had never seen Cas so vulnerable and peaceful, so undeniably human - it scared him.

* * *

><p>"Nothing else has worked and we aint got nothing to lose," Bobby exclaimed, crossing his arms in conclusion.<p>

"The case I just found is a no-brainer Dean, just the usual teenage possession," Sam added, glancing over his laptop computer screen. "I'm all for Cas joining us on this hunt."

"I'm not convinced." Dean growled stubbornly, verclempt at the very idea of bringing Cas in his state on any kind of hunt. He didn't want the angel getting in their way, and putting other people in danger, putting himself in danger. Dean wouldn't hurt Cas knowingly, so be it if he was being an over protective mother hen.

"Look I know you don't want him slowing us down, but it'll be fine and Cas might even remember something," Sam crooned, making a pleading face at Deans scowling face.

Just then Cas came bounding down the staircase, "Did someone call my name?" he called out.

Suddenly Dean came face to face with the lively faced Angel, apparently refreshed after his full night's sleep by Dean's side. "We were discussing bringing you on a hunt."

"More Vampires?" Cas chided, bustling past Dean and towards the fridge. The angel opened the door and grabbed a coke before turning back to the hunters. "A hunt sounds adequate, it could possibly bring back some memories."He threw his head back, taking greedy gulps of the soda pop, "Only if you want me there, of course."

Sam stood from his computer, coming to rest his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "You're always welcome, so get ready to kick some demon ass, just like the good old days."

"The good old days," Dean repeated the words losing their vigor as they slipped out of his mouth.


End file.
